By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
There’s an old Tibetan poem called “Autobiography in Five Chapters”, that goes like this:
Chapter 1: I walk down the street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I’m lost, hopeless. It’s not my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2: I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But, it’s not my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3: I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it’s there. I still fall in…it’s a habit. I know where I am. It’s my responsibility. I get out immediately.
Chapter 4: I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter 5: I walk down another street.
I doubt that there’s anyone reading this column who won’t relate to this story in some area of their life, whether it’s in the relationship arena, our jobs, communication patterns, habits, or even just our thinking. The Twelve Step program defines insanity as “Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” To live and really feel alive, we must learn to look at ourselves and our part in every moment, in every experience. When we confine ourselves to rigid pictures of who we are and how things should be done, we set ourselves up for unhappiness. An oriental sage said that the secret to happiness is to “cease to cherish opinions.” When we stuff ourselves into habitual ways of doing things and expect others to do the same, we’re bound to be irritable, frustrated and disappointed. Let’s take a moment and think about any rigid molds we’ve set ourselves in. They can be little things like how our partner squeezes the toothpaste tube, how the toilet paper is put on the roller, the way socks and towels are folded, needing to eat out of certain bowls and being frustrated if a guest or friend uses our bowl, etc,
In order to live freely, we must find out where our molds are and break them. We’re all free spirits and we aren’t bound to anything unless we think we are. It’s not our partners, our jobs or our families that are penning us in. We confine ourselves with our own moldy thinking. It’s freeing to realize that by changing our thoughts we break the molds that bind us. Children are usually free of molds. Our childhood lasts as long as we allow ourselves to think expansively, act freely and be open minded to anything new that comes our way. There’s no need for any of us to stay stuck in chapter one of the autobiography above. Patterns are to serve our greater good, not to trap us.
I often hear people start their sentences with, “At my age…” or “In my youth I would have…” Restriction and age are human inventions born from limited thinking. If we aspire to express our immortal heritage, we must remain wide open. Let’s consciously choose ways to be free. Alan Cohen says, “No one is a master who is a slave to his own inventions.” Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com