By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
Parking lots continue to be my classroom this week. I approached my passenger door to drop off my bag of purchases. A large 4 X 4 truck was pulling out of the space next to mine at a fast pace. I had to turn sideways as his tire came too close for comfort. I turned in shock to look at the driver who pulled away but as he left the lot he looked right at me. I expected a wave, a smile, a gesture acknowledging that he’d noticed I was scared. Instead he raised his middle finger and mouthed a profanity. Everything in me wanted to react in outrage. How dare he almost hit me and then give me the finger. What a #%#! Instead, I paused and felt grateful. I said a short prayer forgiving him for his lack of awareness and arrogance. “There but for the grace of God, go I.”
We are only disappointed by our expectations, not what the world does or doesn’t do to please us. Our expectations are fuel for our judgments which create pre-meditated resentments. It’s been said that resentments are like sipping poison and waiting for the other person to die. We usually just feel resentful and are unaware of how we’ve nursed them. When I have a resentment, I can ask myself, “What am I expecting?” If I have a friend or relative that’s always late, I set myself up for resentment if I make a plan with them that involves a specific schedule and expect them to be on time. If I want to avoid disappointment, I have to adjust my expectations and learn to accept people, places and things just as they are.
As we learn to just look at ourselves, we don’t want to set our expectations up too high. Practicing any new skill takes time. It may be two steps forward and one step back. As we become more accepting of ourselves and adjust our expectations, we become more accepting of others. Condemning ours and others’ imperfections will never enhance our appreciation of life or help us to love one another. Every small step we take on our spiritual path leads us closer to health, wholeness and serenity. Let’s be gentle with ourselves and each other on this journey called life. The best thing we can do when we’re disappointed with others is to make an extra effort to be kind, warm and loving to ourselves. Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Another common mistake is to expect our partners and loved ones to be mind readers. Instead of asking for what we want or need, we expect them to know automatically. We’ll silently fume when our unexpressed needs go unmet. We’d be surprised how much help, comfort and support is available if we’d simply ask. Life is priceless and unpredictable. It can be taken in an instant. Let’s not waste a minute on self pity, worry, guilt, resentment or any self-destructive emotion that keeps us from being the people we want to be.
I don’t want to leave this life with a trail of regrets or unfinished business. Compassion for others helps me create good memories. Contentment prevails when I gratefully accept the good that comes and practice, “Live and let live.” I invite you to wake up with gratitude. As you move through your day, expect the unexpected and practice accepting whatever life delivers exactly as it is. More importantly, accept yourself exactly as you are. Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com