By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
We’ve made it through the Hanukkah & the Christmas holidays if these are ones you celebrated. We gave gifts and received them. It’s not how much we gave, but how well we accepted the gifts we received. Let’s live like all of life is a compliment that we’re ready to accept graciously. Many of us contemplated resolutions as the New Year approached. This gave us permission to over indulge in our habits and make plans for all those changes we’d make come January 1st- lose weight, stop smoking, cut down on this, increase that. We’ll often give these resolutions our best shot for a time and then slowly slip back into our old habits, feeling guilty for not following through. Let’s make a resolution this year to live one day at a time, to be gentler traveling companions with ourselves and practice acceptance every day. Our most important responsibility is to keep our light shining. This way, we can start a diet in the morning, slip at that spontaneous lunch with a good friend, re-focus in the afternoon, follow the plan that night and close our eyes feeling good about our day. We have the opportunity to start our day over anytime. People who practice the 12-step program find that even giving themselves permission to relapse tomorrow, helps them stay clean today. Then when tomorrow comes, it’s a new day to stay clean. Nourishing our spirit is a gift from God.
We’ve talked a lot in this column about forgiving others, accepting others, responding to arrogance with humility, and always looking at our part in any encounter. For this New Year, let’s start by forgiving ourselves, accepting ourselves and being less critical and judgmental of ourselves first. A dear friend reminded me the other day that acceptance is love and love is acceptance. What we’ve not accepted in ourselves, we have no chance of accepting in others. What we’re unwilling to look at in ourselves is exactly what we judge in others. What we’re unwilling to forgive in ourselves is what will remain unforgiven. This can be as simple as the self-talk we have when we forget or misplace something. If we put a microphone in our heads, it might sound something like, “How stupid can you be? Forgetting that again, no one can count on you when you’re so forgetful?” Etc, etc. Stop the recording, and imagine the most loving person you know responding to your forgetfulness. It might sound like this: “Oh honey, no big deal. You’re only human. You can make up for it….Next time you’ll be sure to remember….I love you.”
Yogi Amrit Desai says, “Each day affirm that there is nothing in this world that can stop you from transforming your life, opening your heart, loving yourself and sharing your love with everyone you encounter.” If we feel abandoned, alone or unloved, we can take heart because our history doesn’t have to be our destiny. We all have a role to play in the drama we call life on this stage we call earth. We’re all here for a reason, and all of our adventures on earth are part of learning to express that higher purpose. That’s why the person that pushes our buttons the most is our greatest teacher. Whoever makes us feel the most intolerant and impatient is our greatest teacher of tolerance and patience. For it is by accepting that person exactly the way s/he is, that we learn to accept ourselves. This practice takes constant vigilance, because the default setting in our brain is to look outward for our happiness. We’re all healers, and every person and event that comes to our attention is an invitation to bring a richer quality of love to the planet. If one person is happier because we were here, it’s all worth it. And if you are that person, God is well pleased.
Blessings, for a safe and Happy New Year. Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and browse earlier articles at www.sandyislands.com- publications.