Holidays are a perfect time to practice tolerance, which truly is a practice. It’s a time to accept and have patience with ourselves as we wait in longer lines, stretch out the thin dollar, add more events and activities to our busy schedules and spend more time with family. It’s a time to remember who we really are and when we do, we know grace. Connecting to our spirits within as often as possible, especially during the most frustrating times, allows us to feel a gentle guiding presence and know that we’re not alone. Tolerance is asking God to help us see others as they really are and to relieve our burdens of trying to make them different. It’s easier to accept others’ limitations when we acknowledge our own. There’s really no justification for intolerance. We don’t know what others should think, feel or do. Somewhere between the heroes and the lousy bums lies the truth and no one is completely good or bad. We can learn to love and accept the most difficult people in our lives even though we can’t change them. As we seek to correct our own shortcomings, we’re more able to accept them in others. During this holiday season, let’s try to extend the respect, patience and courtesy to others that we want for ourselves.

Here’s how it goes. We misunderstand another’s behavior and immediately form a judgment, apply a label and neatly tuck them into a pigeon hole. When we thoughtlessly toss others into categories, we spare ourselves the effort of finding out anything about them. With each judgment we narrow our view and cease to see them as a friend or fellow traveler on this road of life. Isn’t it true that our best qualities are the ones we want others to notice? Let’s begin to evaluate others and ourselves with an empathy born from humility. Think of someone who you find rude, obnoxious, who you’d say, “I can’t stand them.” I invite you to begin practicing steps of forgiveness, acceptance and look at your expectations of them. Ask yourself, “How am I that way?” Soon you may see that person start to change right before your eyes. The definition of a miracle is a change in perception. Chances are the person became tolerable because you developed tolerance. They became likeable because you developed the ability to accept them. Tolerance always strengthens our self-esteem and our relationship to all people who irritate us. Striving to accept others as they are without judgment is practicing tolerance.

Let’s look at every conflict as an opportunity to practice tolerance especially with that partner, co-worker, family member or friend who “drives us crazy,” by not living up to our expectations. We can’t avoid troubling situations but we can use time and distance to find a new perspective. When it’s time to resolve the conflict, we can take a deep breath, say a quick prayer and approach the resolution with honesty, open mindedness, responsibility, forgiveness and trust that what we say will be for the highest good and healthiest outcome for all. Let’s try to look at the conflict from the other’s point of view. What challenges are they facing that we may not be considering or know anything about?

Our behavior toward others is a mirror of our behavior toward ourselves. What we demand of ourselves, we demand of others. As we come to understand our limitations, we realize that we’ll never be perfect, that we’ll disappoint ourselves and others, and that we’re human beings who make mistakes. The more we learn to gently accept ourselves, the more tolerance and acceptance we’ll have for others. Let’s decide now to practice treating others with the tolerance and forgiveness that we seek for ourselves.

Please write to me at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and feel free to browse previous articles under publications at www.sandyislands.com