By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
“Responsibility” is “the ability to respond” to any situation rather than “react.” An opportunity to observe how well I practice this principle occurred shortly after I decided to write about it. I was preparing a salad for dinner. I’d taken a glass salad dressing jar from the refrigerator and instead of setting it down; I reached for another one at the same time. My momentary juggling act ended in one of the jars smashing to the just-cleaned tile floor from shoulder height. My instant reaction included expressing a short expletive, but I had the presence of mind to pause, take a breath and laugh at my clumsiness instead of allowing my frustration to escalate into resentment and turn the clean up process into a negative ordeal. When my husband left the room I could have judged him for abandoning me and not helping but I thought, “It’s my mess, so I’m responsible for the clean up.” I felt grateful that I was wearing tennis shoes and started picking up the glass shards that had splintered out into a large radius. Within a few minutes, my husband returned with towels and the vacuum. In that moment I was able to see how much progress I’d made in responding versus reacting. Had I chosen to comment resentfully when he left, he could have reacted to that and his clean-up help would have disappeared into an unnecessary conflict. We both looked at each other when we were finished and smiled, grateful that we’ve grown from how we reacted to similar situations in the past. Progress - not perfection.
I’ve been practicing these principles for over twenty years. No matter how far I’ve evolved in my spiritual growth, it’s still usually my husband and the little things that push my buttons the most. It doesn’t matter when we “just look at ourselves,” only that we do. Change is a process that starts with awareness and grows with practice. When we make the decision “wake up”, the universe will always cooperate by providing opportunities to practice our new-found awareness. When we don’t accept responsibility, we create our own problems. When we refuse to take responsibility we give away our power. Heightened awareness of ourselves and increased willingness to accept personal responsibility gives us the freedom to change, make choices and grow. It’s important to appreciate both the negative and positive events that happen in a day in order to hone the tools that allow us to grow. As we pay attention to our ability to respond to each moment we become grateful for our responsibilities and the joys they bring.
Practicing responsibility means we are loyal to our values. We stay open minded and detach with love. We recognize what’s not our business so we can let go of anger and resentment. We’re able to express our ideas and feelings in a firm but kind way. We learn to listen and listen to learn. We practice gratitude daily as we live in the present. We let go of worry about the future and guilt about the past. We’re never victims, only volunteers who can choose to look at ourselves and shift our perspective any time. We accept conflict as a part of life and live our truth in spite of the disappointment we may bring to others. We make choices that we’re proud of at home, work and in our community. Responding instead of reacting brings new understanding as we strive to make our community a better place to live. Feel free to enjoy previous articles at www.sandyislands.com under publications. Please write to me at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and let me know how just looking at yourself is changing your life.