By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
Welcome to the next series of "Just looking at ourselves." When we practice this, we'll always lighten up. Years ago, I shared with a friend that when I'm practicing Surrender-Humility-Acceptance-Gratitude, I'm happy. His response was, "SHAG me, baby," creating an acronym from the first letter of each word. During our A-Z series, we had a column on each of these principles. Since I can easily forget to remember, the more I remind myself of these concepts, the easier they are to access when I need them the most.
When we surrender to whatever's happening in the present moment, we let go of the need to be in control, to be right, to have life go our way or have other people be the way we want them to be. It's impossible to be humble and arrogant at the same time. When we're humble, we're open-minded and teachable. We all know someone who lives by the premise – "The last time I thought I'd made a mistake, I was wrong." This person is stuck in their own self-centered fear. Acceptance is the deep understanding that everything happens for a reason and that when we get frustrated or intolerant over life's minor annoyances, it's a perfect opportunity to practice acceptance. The measure of our acceptance of others is equal to how much we accept ourselves. How we behave to others is a mirror of how we treat ourselves. If we demand perfection of ourselves, we'll definitely demand it of others. We'll always treat others with the tolerance and forgiveness we seek for ourselves. If we're unforgiving of our own mistakes, we'll shut out friends and family by choosing not to forgive them.
Gratitude is the attitude that everything that happens is a gift from God. There is nothing to complain about. These gifts may come in the form of lessons (challenges) or blessings (gifts), but ultimately the outcomes are for our highest good. Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Buddhist monk, returned from a lecture tour in Africa where drinkable water was a gift. He put a note on his faucet to remind himself each time he used it that he was receiving the gift of water which we so often take for granted. In his meditation practice, each time he breathes in he receives God's blessing, and when he breathes out he returns praise and thanksgiving. We can practice gratitude simply through a smile, a kind word, or a hug. Gratefulness is a spiritual practice that will transform us from moping and complaining people into radiant and joyful ones. Sometimes, when we're upset, just focusing on our breathing brings us into the consciousness of looking at ourselves. I say a simple mantra, "I breathe in, I calm my body, and I'm aware of the present moment. I breathe out, I smile, and it's a wonderful moment." This isn't easy when I'm upset. The truth is I know that staying upset is a choice or I can choose to just let go, forgive, and ask myself what is my part in this chaos. It's impossible to be grateful and resentful at the same time.
Our family members and bosses are usually our biggest "button pushers." Picture a panel of buttons that we wear across our chests. Each one represents our unresolved issues. We invite players into our story of life to push those buttons so we can grow. Even if we remove people or leave jobs because we think we'll be happier without them, we'll just attract new button pushers until we decide to look at our part in the story and change. So, as Nike says, "Just do it." Let's choose to look at ourselves and lighten up! If you have any experiences you'd like to share, please write to me confidentially at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com. I'm the only one who reads this mail.