Our personality flaws hide in our assets. They give us pain and pleasure but become the roadblocks that limit our travel on life’s beautiful highways. We become comfortable with their familiarity but before the sunlight can shine through the window, we must raise the blinds. We want to change but often fear if we shed these character flaws that stand in our way, what will be left of us? We fear the void and the unknown more than the pain of not changing.  Enlightenment doesn’t usually come in sudden blinding flashes of light. There’s a struggle to make progress in the positive directions we’re going. We become ready to change a little at a time like a strong sturdy oak that grows tall slowly and well.

Revenge is the feeling of wanting to punish those people who’ve hurt us. When we blame others for our problems, we become victims. We detest them and obsess on ways to get even.  If we let go and forgive, we’ll make room for new strengths, skills and an awakening of our spirit. When we’re never wrong, we cling to pride which prevents love and respect to enter. As we let go of judgment, we develop a non-judgmental awareness of ourselves.  Arrogance keeps us separate from others. It prevents us from being open and willing to learn from the people we judge. It props up our ego in the face of critically low self-esteem. Without arrogance, we’re one step closer to being restored to our place among others, to appreciate, as equals, the company of people from all walks of life, their wisdom and their challenges.

If we grew up with scorn, criticism and teasing, we’ll hide our pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. We try to fill the emptiness, to feel bigger and better by making fun of others. It never works. We’re so far away from what we really mean. Sarcasm veils anger and anger veils fear. Hopefully, we’ll grow tired of sarcastic behavior, and then we’ll begin to see others the same way we want to be seen. We always hurt ourselves when we hurt others. When we get stuck in the problem, we’re blind to the solutions within our sight. We can ask ourselves why we react in certain ways and this will root out the fear at the core of our conduct. Once the fear is uncovered, we’ve revealed the truth which is humbling and we can move beyond it.  

When we ask God to heal our lives, a very bright light shines on everything we need to look at. God seldom delivers virtues wrapped in packages ready for use. Instead, we’re put in situations where with God’s help we can develop those virtues. Everything we need to change is present and available now. We accept what we discover and become willing to change. We practice gratitude and appreciate our progress not looking for perfection. We learn to trust God’s way and pace as we go about our business. We can count on God to give us a vision of our lives free of these character flaws. This vision is the essence of our own best, brightest dreams for ourselves. Courage replaces fear, generosity removes selfishness and through self-honesty and acceptance our personal delusions disappear. Soon, our readiness to change is no longer only sparked by pain but a deep desire to grow spiritually.

Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and feel free to browse previous articles at www.sandyislands.com under publications.