I’m studying for the Hawaii Mental Health Counseling Licensing exam. I’d passed the Florida exam in 1984. For the last year, anticipating the move, I marched through the outlined steps to what I thought would be reciprocal licensure without having to take the test that I definitely did not want to take. When I received the word that everything was in order for me to “take the test,” I was livid. I remembered a slogan from the Al Anon program- “Easy does it.” I let go and accepted that there was nothing I could do except take the test if I want to be licensed. The more I’d struggled to make the end result, go my way, the more frustrated I became. When we stop trying to force solutions, we let go and allow the solutions to unfold as they will. The time to be most gentle with ourselves is when we are not doing well. Being hard on ourselves at these times makes life more difficult.

When things aren’t going our way, taking a breath and reminding ourselves to, “Take it easy,” allows us to slow down and lighten up. The answer may be staring us in the face, but we have to let go to see it. Have you ever struggled trying to get a zipper back on track? We zip ourselves into life situations that don’t fit. Our plans hit a snag. Instead of pushing harder, we can step back and take a calm look at the situation before moving ahead. Let’s picture two people holding a pole in between them. As one pushes forward, the other pulls back, like a tug of war. If they both stop and let go, the pole drops. When we plant a seed in our garden, we don’t try to pull it up to make it grow faster. We nurture it, water it, allow for proper sunlight and wait for the plant’s growth to unfold at it’s own pace.

We complicate our lives and aggravate ourselves when we insist on being right. Exchanging hostile words no matter who’s right never helps us find serenity. Any crisis will shrink to a manageable size when we take a breath and wait to see what’s best to do. When we quiet our mind inside first, our outside follows.  It takes self control and the ability to look at ourselves in the moment to back away from conflict and confusion. The result is always greater peace of mind. Each battle we win with ourselves makes the next one easier. It passes and is so much less important the next day. As we reflect on difficult challenges, we can ask ourselves, does our behavior get us what we want and do we feel good about ourselves after engaging in it? How could we have behaved differently to get a better outcome?

Let’s seek a saner approach to everything by applying “take it easy,” to any situation where tension increases and tempers flare. We can ask ourselves, “Is this my business, your business or God’s business?” Keeping our hands off of anything that’s not our business lightens and brightens up our lives. No matter what diet, health, recovery, or attitude change plans we’re practicing, “takin’it easy” allows us to get through our slips and be gentler with ourselves. We need to give ourselves credit for how far we’ve come and the progress we’ve made learning from our mistakes. We have more than the time we need to improve our lives on a daily basis. Progress is not a contest, it’s a process.

Each day I study the facts and figures that seem unnecessary and irrelevant to my skills as a counselor. I take an easy moment and feel grateful that I’m sharpening the tools in my shed and accepting that since I’m in Hawaii, the easy road is to do it like the Hawaiians require.

Please write to me at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and feel free to browse previous articles under publications at www.sandyislands.com