By Dr. Sandy Islands for Conch Color
We’ve all had days where life provided frequent opportunities to start our day over. We’ve let our attitudes or reactions bring us down, and we’ve felt overwhelmed to a point where we wanted to run and hide. My day was a bit like this. I work in an environment where “expect the unexpected,” is the theme. Some days I’m better at going with the flow and other days I react and try to paddle upstream. Today, I found myself holding on to how I perceived the day should be going rather than accepting exactly what was happening.. The truth was that at any moment I could have stopped and practiced what I’ve been preaching in this column - take a breath, smell a flower, say a brief prayer, or use any tool I’ve learned that would have allowed me to disconnect from my frustration and be a gentler traveling companion with myself. No challenge, whether big or small, lasts forever.
Whatever we’re experiencing in this ever-changing-life is sure to pass. It’s the difficult situations that bring out qualities in us that would not have risen to the surface without the challenge - like courage, faith and the ability to help one another. Most long-time Key West residents who survived Hurricane Wilma can attest to how neighbor-helping-neighbor wouldn’t have happened without the disaster. Often it’s not until we face the next challenge that we’re able to appreciate the new capabilities we’ve developed. We become more open to sharing each other’s losses and triumphs as we gather courage and strength together. We learn to patiently ride out the good and bad times.
As the day unfolded, I noticed that as I let my emotions get the best of me, my ability to handle the next challenge decreased. About mid-day, I paused, took a couple of deep breaths and said, after a few-too-many frustrations, “Thank you, God that this too shall pass.” I have many tools to face life’s challenges but do I choose to use them? We need time and space to untangle the threads of our thinking and feelings. As we walk through emotional pain, whether it’s caused from the loss of a loved one, or a simple unmet expectation, we learn to look at ourselves. By responding to our emotions instead of reacting with blame and judgment, we grow spiritually. With each event, we can ask ourselves- did we work on our feelings or let them work on us?
We build our spiritual muscles by participating in life as an adventure. When we practice walking our talk, we gain knowledge and awareness from our mistakes so we don’t have to repeat them. After I let go, my day started to change for the better. I found my sense of humor, called a friend and received some compassion. As I found ways to “lighten up,” my day seemed brighter. Unexpected events continued, but I felt better about myself and the energy I was sending out to everyone around me changed. By taking responsibility for myself and my feelings, I was no longer a victim of the circumstances. I could stand in the eye of the storm and find peace.
We can choose to look at ourselves in hindsight, while the challenge is happening, or after much practice, avoid the crisis all together by seeing it coming before we react. Growing spiritually is a process and our job is to enjoy the journey. Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com