Move a muscle, change a thought. Sometimes looking at ourselves takes more than just reflective thinking. Learning to be honest with ourselves is a three stage process. We become aware of a way we’re reacting to life that we’d like to change. Many people believe that this awareness is the change. We snap our fingers and the change automatically happens. In fact, at first we usually continue the unhealthy pattern seeing it in hindsight. Instead of obsessing on how we’ve been wronged, we’re able to replay our behavior and the pain comes from how we’ve hurt others. We then want to behave in a kinder, more compassionate or forgiving way. In the second stage, we’re engaging in the negative behavior and stop ourselves midstream. Finally, we see ourselves about to behave in our old patterned way and we stop ourselves before we do. “Always do your best,” is one of Don Miguel Ruiz’s premises in The Four Agreements. When we do our best, we avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

The Nike Corporation penned one of the most spiritual marketing slogans - Just do it! This implies that many times we can’t think our way into a new way of living; we have to live our way into a new way of thinking. We won’t get in shape by lying on the couch and thinking about exercising. We have to get up and move our bodies whether we want to or not. Often in the midst of conflict, the right action is to take time out, go for a walk or let go which is difficult when we’re glued to our stance of righteousness. In stepping away, we take a few deep breaths, calm ourselves and then return in a different frame of mind to resume the conversation Great ideas will go nowhere if they sit in our heads. We have to take action to manifest our dreams. When we live fully and express who we are without fear, we honor ourselves. When we love what we do and do what we love the money usually follows. If we do our best because we love it without expectations of a reward, we’ll enjoy whatever we’re doing and often greater rewards than we imagined will show up.

Ruiz’s other three agreements are: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally and don’t make assumptions. When we practice doing our best and responding from our highest place of consciousness, we will transform. The habits of misusing our words, taking things personally and making assumptions will weaken and become less frequent over time. Doing our best means we enjoy what we’re doing and want to do it, not because we have to or because we’re trying to please someone.

If any part of the life we’ve created isn’t working, we need to be honest with ourselves first. We don’t have to get angry or make anyone else wrong; we just get in touch with our truth within and realize that what we’ve been doing doesn’t match the vision of our highest purpose for being here. Divine discontent is a feeling from our soul urging us to return to our path and purpose. The moment we shift our attention from what we don’t want to what we do want, we set into motion a series of dynamics that will lead us to our ultimate fulfillment. When the pain of not changing gets greater than the fear of change, we’ll make the move ahead and be grateful for the motions born from divine discontent. It’s not running away, it’s a calling to our next level of integrity and commitment. Alan Cohen says, “On the wings of your authentic expression you will find what you are looking for, which is yourself.”

Please write to Dr. Sandy Islands at sandyislands@hawaii.rr.com and feel free to browse previous articles under publications at www.sandyislands.com.